Shark attack! I’ll never forget the bewildered faces on the beach. A shark attack in Destin? How dramatic! Alas, it was not a shark attack. It was a three year old who had her Daddy’s undivided attention and did not want to lose it. So, she does what only Laura can do. She makes you fall in love with her as she’s thrashing about to an imaginary shark. That’s my sister.
Sausage. I’m pretty sure that’s what FLEX was saying, repeatedly, as he barked in my face. One threat from me and he’s scrambling to his safe haven under the coffee table. As I pull him out by his front paws, he immediately shuts his eyes and “dies”. His tail slaps the hardwood in a fierce frenzy and I walk away because who can see a hundred pound pit bull when they can’t see you? That’s my dog.
It’s time to dance. These are the words he whispered to me as he pulled me from the couch and wiped away my tears. He danced me around the living room until I felt safe again. That’s my husband.
I’m here. The words are a gentle whisper to a trained and obedient ear. He speaks them when I am seeking, wavering, and singing His praises. That’s my God.
This Thanksgiving is about reflecting on my above blessings. This year was very special to me because I found my sister, we were blessed with FLEX turning five years old, Clint and I are about to celebrate ten years together and we are building a solid foundation on Him. I believe that if we are not constantly evolving then we are not growing. Relationships evolve and I am no longer scared of that; I am thankful.
When I went to L.A. to visit Laura, I knew I would have fun but I was not prepared for the young woman I was met with. She was as witty and beautiful as I remembered her and she still carried her heart on her sleeve but there was also a quiet confidence that has become more profound since I last saw her. We talked, laughed, and cried. We found our voices again. I left L.A. confident that she has found her place in this world and that even in California she is the brightest star.
FLEX is still right in the middle of everything. Our efforts to make him an outside dog have gone over better than expected but we still find him sprawled on the couch or underneath our feet more often than not. Even at five years old, he’s still my spoiled rotten spunky puppy.
Ten years! I’m so excited and thankful! Yes, it is work but it’s worth it! When I think back over the last decade of our life, I see how we have built memory by memory something that is going to last a lifetime. I am so thankful and humbled to have Clint as my husband. I feel as if I finally have the home and constant that I have always wanted and my goal is to provide that same feeling for Clint.
Hi God, remember me? I now pray without ceasing. I started this back in February of this year and it works! I seek Him and I really do find Him. Through my study this year, I have found a God of love and mercy. Mercy is precious to me because I know how flawed I am but this word gives me hope and has allowed me to release my guilt so that I can become the woman He is calling me to be. I am thankful for my friends who have encouraged me this year and who have accepted the changes I am making in my life. I hope one day I can help others as they begin their walk.
In a small nutshell, this is my Thanksgiving. I am truly thankful for my God, family, and friends. I pray for each of you who are reading this that God will continue to bless you and that you will not be too busy to stop and capture little moments. If you are thankful for someone, tell them. If you need prayers, pray them. It’s a wonderful life and we are blessed to be a part of it!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
God Really is Love
If there were an easier way to navigate through what we call life I would have thought I’d have found it by now. It’s magical how God works. God. That’s a name I have misused, blamed, ran from, condemned and called upon. God. After a decade of trying life on my own – I have finally made it back home. I have never denounced God but I ran about as far as you can run from Him. However, it’s pointless to look to the past unless you plan on going back there so instead, I am going to tell you where I have been the past couple of years.
Growing up, my favorite part of church was singing, especially when we would sing Tell Me the Story of Jesus and Ten Thousand Angels. I still sing these songs most nights in my mind to help me fall asleep. Music has always moved me and there’s nothing better than a strong gospel song. Church was not a place where I made friends or ever felt a part of. Like most children, the sermons put me to sleep and I could never figure out why when reading aloud in Sunday school, some kids said thou and others said thee. My Bible said thee but I would say thou occasionally and the interchanging of the thees and the thous threw everyone off course. Oh well. By the time I was a teenager I made my way whole-heartedly to God. On the day of my baptism my Grandmother told me to pray for wisdom and I still do. That was a very peaceful time in my life but looking back I was searching for something. My parents had just divorced, and at fourteen, to say I felt lonely was an understatement. I was lost as well but I listened in my daily Bible classes and I got teary-eyed in chapel when we would sing our praises to God. Something was moving in me and I let it. I walked beside God and was strong in my faith until life hit me full-force. Unfortunately, I didn’t think I deserved or could have God’s love so I guess I never really knew Him. My departure from Him was not unlike many teenagers but I knew I was wrong. I just couldn’t seem to find my way back. Looking back, like we all do I was searching for my identity and a Christian seemed too innocent and naïve for the things I had witnessed.
My identity for the last decade has consisted of being known as the lightweight who would pass out before a party could even get started. This was all in good fun and I was a willing participant but I am not proud of the fact that Jack Daniels and I were on a first name basis. My whiskey consumption did not hinder me from graduating college, finding a wonderful man or destroy my liver. Jack did demand to always come first on a night out, he demanded to be the center of attention and he demanded I did not have fun without him. Luckily, I am stubborn and when I decided he would have to go, he did. Sometimes I miss that part of me but then I think how many memories I would still have if it weren’t for that sweet smelling bourbon.
Reminiscing on Jack is easy but there are deeper issues that shaped my identity. Thankfully, years of therapy have helped work most of them out. I don’t think I’ll ever completely understand my parents’ divorce, things that happened to Laura and myself as a result, or why I hardly ever learn my lesson on critical life decisions the first time. I’m always going to have a past and a few regrets. That’s ok.
What’s not ok is when my past started to bleed into the life Clint and I worked so hard to build. Marriage is supposed to be a shield you can take refuge behind but when you are self-imploding, a shield does you no good. My dreams were not coming true and my nightmares were on the horizon. Where was the woman I was supposed to admire? Where was the wife I was supposed to be proud to be? How could I be married and feel so alone? The answers were not ones I liked. I had let my guilt and past events begin to shape my life - again. Back to therapy!
As it turns out, I honestly didn’t think I deserved a cookie-cutter family, even though it’s all I have ever wanted. I was the girl who thought long and hard about who I was marrying. Our wedding day was innocent and so full of promise for our future. Thankfully, Clint and I meant what we said on our wedding day and it was never about the potential demise of our marriage but it scared me that again I was thinking I didn’t deserve Clint, or anyone else’s, love.
For the first time in years, I got on my knees. I repented and prayed like I never had before. I would like to say I did it because I realized God loves me. I would like to say I did it because I had some sense of self-worth but I would be lying. I did it for Clint. It is so unbearably true that if you do not love yourself, others cannot love you. At twenty-seven, I am finally recognizing that God loves me. He wants to use me to bring others into His light. By His grace, I am becoming the woman I dream of being. I no longer look at the few women in my life that I admire and wish to be them because every day I am taking steps to being the woman God is calling me to be.
I have stumbled so many times on this journey, yet I am not discouraged. I am not as I was before or as I ever will be again. I no longer take a moment for granted because when I am not giving thanks, I am praying for Him to use me as needed. I know life is going to be full of ups and downs for our family but I no longer worry. I know when I am on my knees at night with my husband that God is first in our home, which is all He ever wanted. I strongly believe we are blessed so we can be a blessing. Give thanks to God because there are going to be times when you need Him so desperately and when you call, He will answer. For all the other moments when life is so good, make them count.
I read in The Shack that all roads do not lead to Him but there is not a road He will not travel to get to you. He brought me back the second I recognized He was there. I love my God and I want others to know His love for us.
Thank you Lord for loving me
Thank you Lord for blessing me
Thank you Lord for saving my soul
Thank you Lord for making me whole.
Growing up, my favorite part of church was singing, especially when we would sing Tell Me the Story of Jesus and Ten Thousand Angels. I still sing these songs most nights in my mind to help me fall asleep. Music has always moved me and there’s nothing better than a strong gospel song. Church was not a place where I made friends or ever felt a part of. Like most children, the sermons put me to sleep and I could never figure out why when reading aloud in Sunday school, some kids said thou and others said thee. My Bible said thee but I would say thou occasionally and the interchanging of the thees and the thous threw everyone off course. Oh well. By the time I was a teenager I made my way whole-heartedly to God. On the day of my baptism my Grandmother told me to pray for wisdom and I still do. That was a very peaceful time in my life but looking back I was searching for something. My parents had just divorced, and at fourteen, to say I felt lonely was an understatement. I was lost as well but I listened in my daily Bible classes and I got teary-eyed in chapel when we would sing our praises to God. Something was moving in me and I let it. I walked beside God and was strong in my faith until life hit me full-force. Unfortunately, I didn’t think I deserved or could have God’s love so I guess I never really knew Him. My departure from Him was not unlike many teenagers but I knew I was wrong. I just couldn’t seem to find my way back. Looking back, like we all do I was searching for my identity and a Christian seemed too innocent and naïve for the things I had witnessed.
My identity for the last decade has consisted of being known as the lightweight who would pass out before a party could even get started. This was all in good fun and I was a willing participant but I am not proud of the fact that Jack Daniels and I were on a first name basis. My whiskey consumption did not hinder me from graduating college, finding a wonderful man or destroy my liver. Jack did demand to always come first on a night out, he demanded to be the center of attention and he demanded I did not have fun without him. Luckily, I am stubborn and when I decided he would have to go, he did. Sometimes I miss that part of me but then I think how many memories I would still have if it weren’t for that sweet smelling bourbon.
Reminiscing on Jack is easy but there are deeper issues that shaped my identity. Thankfully, years of therapy have helped work most of them out. I don’t think I’ll ever completely understand my parents’ divorce, things that happened to Laura and myself as a result, or why I hardly ever learn my lesson on critical life decisions the first time. I’m always going to have a past and a few regrets. That’s ok.
What’s not ok is when my past started to bleed into the life Clint and I worked so hard to build. Marriage is supposed to be a shield you can take refuge behind but when you are self-imploding, a shield does you no good. My dreams were not coming true and my nightmares were on the horizon. Where was the woman I was supposed to admire? Where was the wife I was supposed to be proud to be? How could I be married and feel so alone? The answers were not ones I liked. I had let my guilt and past events begin to shape my life - again. Back to therapy!
As it turns out, I honestly didn’t think I deserved a cookie-cutter family, even though it’s all I have ever wanted. I was the girl who thought long and hard about who I was marrying. Our wedding day was innocent and so full of promise for our future. Thankfully, Clint and I meant what we said on our wedding day and it was never about the potential demise of our marriage but it scared me that again I was thinking I didn’t deserve Clint, or anyone else’s, love.
For the first time in years, I got on my knees. I repented and prayed like I never had before. I would like to say I did it because I realized God loves me. I would like to say I did it because I had some sense of self-worth but I would be lying. I did it for Clint. It is so unbearably true that if you do not love yourself, others cannot love you. At twenty-seven, I am finally recognizing that God loves me. He wants to use me to bring others into His light. By His grace, I am becoming the woman I dream of being. I no longer look at the few women in my life that I admire and wish to be them because every day I am taking steps to being the woman God is calling me to be.
I have stumbled so many times on this journey, yet I am not discouraged. I am not as I was before or as I ever will be again. I no longer take a moment for granted because when I am not giving thanks, I am praying for Him to use me as needed. I know life is going to be full of ups and downs for our family but I no longer worry. I know when I am on my knees at night with my husband that God is first in our home, which is all He ever wanted. I strongly believe we are blessed so we can be a blessing. Give thanks to God because there are going to be times when you need Him so desperately and when you call, He will answer. For all the other moments when life is so good, make them count.
I read in The Shack that all roads do not lead to Him but there is not a road He will not travel to get to you. He brought me back the second I recognized He was there. I love my God and I want others to know His love for us.
Thank you Lord for loving me
Thank you Lord for blessing me
Thank you Lord for saving my soul
Thank you Lord for making me whole.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Everybody Was A Star
Clint and I celebrated our one year anniversary by taking a vacation to Destin, Florida. We brought along our good friends, Scott and Lori Brownmiller. We had a great time and we made some memories that will not soon be forgotten.
Thanks to an unmentionable, Clint was able to confiscate a picture of a young Scott with a mullet. He had the picture pasted onto the shirts we were sporting when we picked the Brownmillers up. We were pulled over about twenty minutes into the trip because my husband was going 82 in a 65. The state trooper was very friendly/lonely and he let us off with a warning once he found out the story behind the shirts and met the mullet man himself.
We stopped at a little diner in Louisiana called The Dock and had some wonderful catfish. They liked to serve their catfish with salsa (yuck) but other than that it was a cool little place. We drove until we came to Mobile, Alabama and Clint and Scott scored free drinks at the Sky Lounge in the hotel we were staying at. We had dinner at Hero's and watched the Elite 8 basketball games. We woke up early Sunday morning and made it to Destin in time to be on the beach by that afternoon.
Sunday night we went to my favorite place, BayTowne Wharf! Clint and Scott made a dash to the RumRunners and the night quickly went awry. We had urges to play on monkey bars, climb trees and make it rain. We accomplished all of these tasks and more. The night hit its peak when Clint and Scott ordered Category 5 drinks at Hammerheads and took a quick dive when we discovered the drinks were $15 each. We made it back to the condo safely and welcomed Monday morning with vows of not partying like rock stars for the rest of our time in Florida. The weather was nice and we were on the beach for most of the day. I was able to swim in the ocean with Clint and even though it was very cold, it was worth it. Monday night we had dinner at Blue Point and I had the best Key Lime Pie of the whole trip. We played putt-putt that night and Scott and I made a hole in 1 on two different holes! I was very excited about this but quickly got frustrated with the game when it became obvious I was not going to beat Clint.
Tuesday was overcast so we spent the day shopping. We made our way to the Gulfarium where I'm pretty sure we saw a dead crocodile and one sick penguin but the dolphins and sea lions were too cute and it made me want to get a job there and be a dolphin trainer. Tuesday night we ate at The Crab Trap where Lori was able to enjoy her crab. We then went bowling. It didn't go so well for me but I think everyone else had a great time. Scott was the Strike Master and Clint wasn't too far behind. Lori bowled ambidextrously to ensure one arm would not be unequally sore from the other. I busted my butt on the first frame (the lanes are really slick) and only topped my high score of 23 by 12 points.
Wednesday was overcast again and the boys enjoyed their much anticipated golf game at the Kelly Plantation while Lori and I shopped and scored some great deals. That night we went to Grazie's where Clint and I were finally able to dip our bread in roasted garlic and drink a pina colada. It was heaven. We walked on the beach that night and it was perfect. Clint and I were able to get our feet wet and even though there were teenagers everywhere, it was still romantic.
Thursday morning it was overcast and raining, so we made our way to Grayton Beach for lunch at the Red Bar. We also stumbled across a boutique called Gypsea's. It was my favorite place to shop out of all the places we hit. That night we went to Pompano Joe's and I had the best Grouper sandwich. Lori and I were drinking Creamy Coconuts and had the urge to go back to BayTowne Wharf. We did the Cupid Shuffle and watched from our tower at all the white boys trying to dance. Always true to myself, I crashed shortly after arriving in BayTowne, so the night ended peacefully and quietly.
Friday was a beautiful day and the boys played golf first thing in the morning as Lori and I baked in the sun. We spent the whole day on the beach and even though the current was fierce, we were able to swim in the ocean too. That night we ate at a little hole in the wall and endured the worst singer in the world. It happened to be a lot of fun and Lori showed the whole place how to hula-hoop in a sexy dress while I jingled away on a jingle thing.
Saturday morning we awoke with a mission: home sweet home. We made it back safely and I really have to thank God for a safe trip and I have to thank my husband for a wonderful first year of marriage. I'm thankful to my Mom and Kirk for taking such good care of FLEX. I missed him but it helped to have daily pictures and updates on his status. It's always fun to go on vacation because you make wonderful memories and you realize how much you have waiting for you back home.
Mama Bear says to stear clear of the drunk and high kids and try to be tasty, not pasty. Enjoy your ninja sightings! Merry Christmas, y'all! ;)
Thanks to an unmentionable, Clint was able to confiscate a picture of a young Scott with a mullet. He had the picture pasted onto the shirts we were sporting when we picked the Brownmillers up. We were pulled over about twenty minutes into the trip because my husband was going 82 in a 65. The state trooper was very friendly/lonely and he let us off with a warning once he found out the story behind the shirts and met the mullet man himself.
We stopped at a little diner in Louisiana called The Dock and had some wonderful catfish. They liked to serve their catfish with salsa (yuck) but other than that it was a cool little place. We drove until we came to Mobile, Alabama and Clint and Scott scored free drinks at the Sky Lounge in the hotel we were staying at. We had dinner at Hero's and watched the Elite 8 basketball games. We woke up early Sunday morning and made it to Destin in time to be on the beach by that afternoon.
Sunday night we went to my favorite place, BayTowne Wharf! Clint and Scott made a dash to the RumRunners and the night quickly went awry. We had urges to play on monkey bars, climb trees and make it rain. We accomplished all of these tasks and more. The night hit its peak when Clint and Scott ordered Category 5 drinks at Hammerheads and took a quick dive when we discovered the drinks were $15 each. We made it back to the condo safely and welcomed Monday morning with vows of not partying like rock stars for the rest of our time in Florida. The weather was nice and we were on the beach for most of the day. I was able to swim in the ocean with Clint and even though it was very cold, it was worth it. Monday night we had dinner at Blue Point and I had the best Key Lime Pie of the whole trip. We played putt-putt that night and Scott and I made a hole in 1 on two different holes! I was very excited about this but quickly got frustrated with the game when it became obvious I was not going to beat Clint.
Tuesday was overcast so we spent the day shopping. We made our way to the Gulfarium where I'm pretty sure we saw a dead crocodile and one sick penguin but the dolphins and sea lions were too cute and it made me want to get a job there and be a dolphin trainer. Tuesday night we ate at The Crab Trap where Lori was able to enjoy her crab. We then went bowling. It didn't go so well for me but I think everyone else had a great time. Scott was the Strike Master and Clint wasn't too far behind. Lori bowled ambidextrously to ensure one arm would not be unequally sore from the other. I busted my butt on the first frame (the lanes are really slick) and only topped my high score of 23 by 12 points.
Wednesday was overcast again and the boys enjoyed their much anticipated golf game at the Kelly Plantation while Lori and I shopped and scored some great deals. That night we went to Grazie's where Clint and I were finally able to dip our bread in roasted garlic and drink a pina colada. It was heaven. We walked on the beach that night and it was perfect. Clint and I were able to get our feet wet and even though there were teenagers everywhere, it was still romantic.
Thursday morning it was overcast and raining, so we made our way to Grayton Beach for lunch at the Red Bar. We also stumbled across a boutique called Gypsea's. It was my favorite place to shop out of all the places we hit. That night we went to Pompano Joe's and I had the best Grouper sandwich. Lori and I were drinking Creamy Coconuts and had the urge to go back to BayTowne Wharf. We did the Cupid Shuffle and watched from our tower at all the white boys trying to dance. Always true to myself, I crashed shortly after arriving in BayTowne, so the night ended peacefully and quietly.
Friday was a beautiful day and the boys played golf first thing in the morning as Lori and I baked in the sun. We spent the whole day on the beach and even though the current was fierce, we were able to swim in the ocean too. That night we ate at a little hole in the wall and endured the worst singer in the world. It happened to be a lot of fun and Lori showed the whole place how to hula-hoop in a sexy dress while I jingled away on a jingle thing.
Saturday morning we awoke with a mission: home sweet home. We made it back safely and I really have to thank God for a safe trip and I have to thank my husband for a wonderful first year of marriage. I'm thankful to my Mom and Kirk for taking such good care of FLEX. I missed him but it helped to have daily pictures and updates on his status. It's always fun to go on vacation because you make wonderful memories and you realize how much you have waiting for you back home.
Mama Bear says to stear clear of the drunk and high kids and try to be tasty, not pasty. Enjoy your ninja sightings! Merry Christmas, y'all! ;)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Re-soled for Another Nine
They were beautiful and had the ability to transport even the smallest, quietest girl into a force to be reckoned with. The smell of leather intoxicated my senses and the red lizard skin made my heart race. I slipped them out of the box and onto my feet. Perfection. I looked at my parents across the wrapping papered room as my Mom snapped pictures and my Dad shared a smile of contentment with me...
Over the last twenty years I have conjured up stories and embellished memories to reflect how I felt at that moment in time. It's hard to realize you are not the most important person in some one's life; especially when that someone is a parent. I think my Dad loves me but his decisions have affected many aspects of my life, whether I like it or can admit it. I think people look at my cowboy boots as a fashion statement but the truth is they are my safety blanket. They are also one of the only bonds I share with my Dad and in many ways keeps me connected to him. Sometimes when the pain gets to be too much, I think back to the simple memories when the perfect pair of cowboy boots could solve all of life's problems and when the miles walked weren't so treacherous. I remember a time when I didn't have to limit a phone call to fifteen minutes and when the pain didn't invade my body and threaten to defeat my persistence. My Wednesday nights were spent in a restaurant discussing every detail of life with a man I miss more and more each day. I'm so thankful for the memories I have with my Dad but I go back and forth between anger, sadness and acceptance.
Over the last twenty years I have conjured up stories and embellished memories to reflect how I felt at that moment in time. It's hard to realize you are not the most important person in some one's life; especially when that someone is a parent. I think my Dad loves me but his decisions have affected many aspects of my life, whether I like it or can admit it. I think people look at my cowboy boots as a fashion statement but the truth is they are my safety blanket. They are also one of the only bonds I share with my Dad and in many ways keeps me connected to him. Sometimes when the pain gets to be too much, I think back to the simple memories when the perfect pair of cowboy boots could solve all of life's problems and when the miles walked weren't so treacherous. I remember a time when I didn't have to limit a phone call to fifteen minutes and when the pain didn't invade my body and threaten to defeat my persistence. My Wednesday nights were spent in a restaurant discussing every detail of life with a man I miss more and more each day. I'm so thankful for the memories I have with my Dad but I go back and forth between anger, sadness and acceptance.
Most of my life I have been reaching out to him and begging for his attention and affection. From trying to make all A's in school to trying to run a six minute mile, I did everything I could to gain acceptance from him. My favorite memories really are when we would pick out a new pair of cowboy boots and he would make me promise to have them re-soled when they were worn down. I always did this and then he would reward me with a brand new pair. Nothing could ruin a day like that and I was blessed to have four of them.
Yet, I am angry. I go through phases where I don't want to talk to him and I want to be selfish and scream at him for what he did to Laura and I. After I stay in that phase for a while I am grief-stricken and just want him to hold me and tell me he's sorry and it will be okay. Then I come full circle and take everything and apply it to my life. I am stronger because of what I have been through but it's exhausting and I'm tired of going in circles. I thought once I got to the point of acceptance that would be the end of it. Instead, I find myself fighting the same battle and going over the same issues I thought were resolved. I know I will get through the next nine years as I have the past five. It takes more than abandonment for a girl to give up on her Dad and I still think that one day he will change. I can do this, even if I have to keep going through the emotions. Someday I will arrive at acceptance and stay there. I guess there are still some things I have to learn.
I could write endless sob stories about my relationship with my Dad but that is not the issue. I am trying to be a woman I can admire and to show people there are no excuses. Sometimes life is not fair but it's what we do in those moments that build and strengthen our character. I choose to hang on to the good memories and am thankful I am able to re-live them in my mind.
...It was obvious what the box with the bow held. I could almost smell the new leather and the anticipation was killing me. Clint watched anxiously as I pulled the old ones off and slipped my new pair on. Perfection. The leather was of the finest quality and I knew they would weather many storms. I was so proud of those boots because Clint picked them out. I showed them to my Dad and a few weeks later he was gone. I was left standing in a pair of boots that were still new and painful to walk in. I walked anyway - right into Clint's waiting arms. He is my hero. How lucky am I?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Jobs Are Like A Box of Chocolates...
Jobs are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get. At least, that has been true for me. In this time of despair, I thought it would put me in a better mood to reflect on everything I have wanted to be when I grow up. It is quite comical and all I can say is, I am what I am. Luckily for me, Clint knows me better than I know myself so he is never shocked when I decide a new fate. I will say that I have always wanted to be a writer. The only problem is, I have to help pay the bills until my book gets published. This is light-hearted and intended to help me sleep better, so please do not take it too seriously. Also, while I may sound over-confident, I'm really not. I think anyone can be anything they want to be if they work hard enough and want it bad enough. I also believe you have to have those two ingredients or you will never succeed at anything.
My first career choice was to be a taxi driver. I wanted to drive everyone around and figured it was a safe way to talk to strangers without getting into trouble. Keep in mind I could barely talk when I wanted to do this. Laura wanted to be a garbage man. We dreamed big. The days of the Moser girls being a taxi driver and garbage man passed fairly quickly and we were on to different occupations.
We had Career Day at daycare and I decided I wanted to be a dog catcher so that I could save all the homeless puppies in the world. My daycare teacher encouraged me to be a veterinarian instead. For the next several years, this was my dream. Laura decided on Career Day that she wanted to be an actress.
I discovered writing at fourteen and secretly hoped one day my poetry and short stories would be published. I was encouraged by my Dad to keep writing but to go to college and start a career in something more tangible. Laura was encouraged to go to L.A. to become an actress.
In junior high I was taking guitar, clarinet and drum lessons and for a beginner, I did show talent. I decided I wanted to learn how to write scores for movies. My parents encouraged this because of how easily music came to me. I lost my drive to learn to play musical instruments when I discovered boys and I traded in lessons for a social life.
When I turned sixteen I begged my parents to let me get a job. I wanted to be a bartender. I settled for a hostessing job but studied the book of bar tending any chance I got. Believe it or not, I thought I would go to bar tending school and be a bartender through college until I could become a veterinarian. I got my chance at bar tending without having to go to bar tending school. I liked bar tending because I was able to talk to people and it was a fun atmosphere. Unfortunately, it's not really an atmosphere for an overly sensitive girl who thinks she can solve every one's problem with a smile and a free round of beer.
At sixteen I also discovered my passion for driving as I flung my best friend and I into a mountain at over fifty miles per hour. We were not injured too bad and this fueled my desire to be a NASCAR driver. I started watching NASCAR races, invisioning myself taking home the trophy. My Dad put the brakes on this.
My junior year of high school I enrolled in modeling classes. I enjoyed modeling but it never turned into a passion. That was also the year I thought I wanted to be a divorce attorney because they are always in demand.
My senior year of high school I applied to LSU and was accepted. I wanted to attend LSU because they have the best veterinarian program. It was the only college I applied to and when I got my acceptance letter I could actually see my dreams of becoming a veterinarian come true. My Dad more or less told me that I needed to stick close to home because I would never make it as a veterinarian. He wasn't being mean. He thought I was too sensitive to handle the deaths of dogs and in a way he was right. I shadowed at a veterinarian's office and it broke my heart. I didn't have the insight then to know I could overcome it and I decided to attend UCA and major in Business because it was a safe field that would open doors. Plus, besides writing, I didn't have a clue as to what I wanted to be.
This is also when I met Clint, so he entered my life at a very entertaining stage. Let's see. I wanted to be a Financial Advisor until I barely passed Accounting and I figured I probably shouldn't be handling other people's money.
I wanted to be a country singer and was so convinced I could do this I started looking at apartments in Nashville. I enrolled in singing lessons. I took two lessons and was told I could not carry a tune in a bucket. I resorted to singing the Quizno Subs theme song and karayoking You're So Vain. I also practice rapping all T.I. songs.
I thought about being a plastic surgeon and got a job during college at a cosmetic surgeon's office. I loved this job because I was able to observe surgeries and anything with the human body fascinates me. I found out you have to go to school for around one hundred years before becoming a surgeon so that turned me off pretty quick. Plus, I was half-way through college and didn't really want to change my major.
I wanted my own talk show because I fancy myself a person with excellent reasoning skills and common sense. I thought I could give Oprah a run for her money.
I decided it would be fun to work in Marketing with my girlfriends at MailSouth. This was my first job out of college and to this day it has been my favorite. I learned a lot and gained the confidence needed to do well in a fast paced environment. We were laid off or I believe I would still be there.
This is when I decided it would be fun to be a Commercial Broker. It's not. It's also male dominated and I tend to shy away from male authority figures.
For some crazy reason I decided I wanted to be a teacher and teach high school English. I don't even like kids that much. This required going back to college and since I was lucky to get through it the first time, decided this probably wasn't the best route to go. I shouldn't want to be a teacher just because they have the summers off.
I became a registered dental assistant. I enjoyed this job but you are heavily micro-managed in this field and I really can't stand that.
I thought it might be nice to be a house wife. I had visions of a clean home and shopping excursions that left me exhausted. My body would be my job and I would spend all my extra time at the gym. I would cook every night and it would be the perfect job. Yeah, right. If I wasn't able to write for most of the day, I would absolutely go insane. It is nice to be at home with FLEX but I feel like I'm wasting my life.
Oh, I decided I would flip homes. Real estate interests me but there is too much of risk. I'm not a risk taker if you haven't figured that out by now. That marked becoming a real estate agent off the list as well.
What's really sad, or entertaining, however you want to look at it, is I fully believe I can be any and all of the professions I have described. I'm lacking the desire. I have worn many hats in the professional world and I am only twenty-five. I'm sure Clint can point out other career paths I forgot to mention but you get the idea. As with all things in life, I have learned a very valuable lesson. We are not measured by the size of our paycheck or the job title on our resume. We are measured by what we do with the jobs we are given. I have never been afraid to go out and get what I want. I have also swallowed my pride and backed away from professions that were not right for me. My current situation is hard for me to understand because I'm not in control. It doesn't matter that I have a college degree or a strong work ethic when the economy is in the state it is in. I know that God will lead me to a job. I believe I have to be patient, which is not my strong point.
I look to Laura and Clint in this area in my life because they are two people I am close to that never make excuses. I could go on for days on how proud I am of Clint and what he is doing with his professional career. I could do the same for Laura. She will succeed as an actress because it is where her heart is and she has the work ethic to make it. I think their unspoken motto is "Just Do It". Laura is quick to tell me that my book will sell and whatever I do in the meantime is secondary. Clint is like me in that he wants me to be the best in whatever I do while I'm waiting for a publisher to dial my number.
Whatever my next job is, I am going to make it my dream job. I will go into it with no excuses and I will make it work to the best of my ability. It may not be a glamorous job but it will be fulfilling. We can all do or be anything we want to be. All we have to do is work hard enough and want it bad enough. The hard part is figuring out what you want while you are waiting for your dreams to come true.
My first career choice was to be a taxi driver. I wanted to drive everyone around and figured it was a safe way to talk to strangers without getting into trouble. Keep in mind I could barely talk when I wanted to do this. Laura wanted to be a garbage man. We dreamed big. The days of the Moser girls being a taxi driver and garbage man passed fairly quickly and we were on to different occupations.
We had Career Day at daycare and I decided I wanted to be a dog catcher so that I could save all the homeless puppies in the world. My daycare teacher encouraged me to be a veterinarian instead. For the next several years, this was my dream. Laura decided on Career Day that she wanted to be an actress.
I discovered writing at fourteen and secretly hoped one day my poetry and short stories would be published. I was encouraged by my Dad to keep writing but to go to college and start a career in something more tangible. Laura was encouraged to go to L.A. to become an actress.
In junior high I was taking guitar, clarinet and drum lessons and for a beginner, I did show talent. I decided I wanted to learn how to write scores for movies. My parents encouraged this because of how easily music came to me. I lost my drive to learn to play musical instruments when I discovered boys and I traded in lessons for a social life.
When I turned sixteen I begged my parents to let me get a job. I wanted to be a bartender. I settled for a hostessing job but studied the book of bar tending any chance I got. Believe it or not, I thought I would go to bar tending school and be a bartender through college until I could become a veterinarian. I got my chance at bar tending without having to go to bar tending school. I liked bar tending because I was able to talk to people and it was a fun atmosphere. Unfortunately, it's not really an atmosphere for an overly sensitive girl who thinks she can solve every one's problem with a smile and a free round of beer.
At sixteen I also discovered my passion for driving as I flung my best friend and I into a mountain at over fifty miles per hour. We were not injured too bad and this fueled my desire to be a NASCAR driver. I started watching NASCAR races, invisioning myself taking home the trophy. My Dad put the brakes on this.
My junior year of high school I enrolled in modeling classes. I enjoyed modeling but it never turned into a passion. That was also the year I thought I wanted to be a divorce attorney because they are always in demand.
My senior year of high school I applied to LSU and was accepted. I wanted to attend LSU because they have the best veterinarian program. It was the only college I applied to and when I got my acceptance letter I could actually see my dreams of becoming a veterinarian come true. My Dad more or less told me that I needed to stick close to home because I would never make it as a veterinarian. He wasn't being mean. He thought I was too sensitive to handle the deaths of dogs and in a way he was right. I shadowed at a veterinarian's office and it broke my heart. I didn't have the insight then to know I could overcome it and I decided to attend UCA and major in Business because it was a safe field that would open doors. Plus, besides writing, I didn't have a clue as to what I wanted to be.
This is also when I met Clint, so he entered my life at a very entertaining stage. Let's see. I wanted to be a Financial Advisor until I barely passed Accounting and I figured I probably shouldn't be handling other people's money.
I wanted to be a country singer and was so convinced I could do this I started looking at apartments in Nashville. I enrolled in singing lessons. I took two lessons and was told I could not carry a tune in a bucket. I resorted to singing the Quizno Subs theme song and karayoking You're So Vain. I also practice rapping all T.I. songs.
I thought about being a plastic surgeon and got a job during college at a cosmetic surgeon's office. I loved this job because I was able to observe surgeries and anything with the human body fascinates me. I found out you have to go to school for around one hundred years before becoming a surgeon so that turned me off pretty quick. Plus, I was half-way through college and didn't really want to change my major.
I wanted my own talk show because I fancy myself a person with excellent reasoning skills and common sense. I thought I could give Oprah a run for her money.
I decided it would be fun to work in Marketing with my girlfriends at MailSouth. This was my first job out of college and to this day it has been my favorite. I learned a lot and gained the confidence needed to do well in a fast paced environment. We were laid off or I believe I would still be there.
This is when I decided it would be fun to be a Commercial Broker. It's not. It's also male dominated and I tend to shy away from male authority figures.
For some crazy reason I decided I wanted to be a teacher and teach high school English. I don't even like kids that much. This required going back to college and since I was lucky to get through it the first time, decided this probably wasn't the best route to go. I shouldn't want to be a teacher just because they have the summers off.
I became a registered dental assistant. I enjoyed this job but you are heavily micro-managed in this field and I really can't stand that.
I thought it might be nice to be a house wife. I had visions of a clean home and shopping excursions that left me exhausted. My body would be my job and I would spend all my extra time at the gym. I would cook every night and it would be the perfect job. Yeah, right. If I wasn't able to write for most of the day, I would absolutely go insane. It is nice to be at home with FLEX but I feel like I'm wasting my life.
Oh, I decided I would flip homes. Real estate interests me but there is too much of risk. I'm not a risk taker if you haven't figured that out by now. That marked becoming a real estate agent off the list as well.
What's really sad, or entertaining, however you want to look at it, is I fully believe I can be any and all of the professions I have described. I'm lacking the desire. I have worn many hats in the professional world and I am only twenty-five. I'm sure Clint can point out other career paths I forgot to mention but you get the idea. As with all things in life, I have learned a very valuable lesson. We are not measured by the size of our paycheck or the job title on our resume. We are measured by what we do with the jobs we are given. I have never been afraid to go out and get what I want. I have also swallowed my pride and backed away from professions that were not right for me. My current situation is hard for me to understand because I'm not in control. It doesn't matter that I have a college degree or a strong work ethic when the economy is in the state it is in. I know that God will lead me to a job. I believe I have to be patient, which is not my strong point.
I look to Laura and Clint in this area in my life because they are two people I am close to that never make excuses. I could go on for days on how proud I am of Clint and what he is doing with his professional career. I could do the same for Laura. She will succeed as an actress because it is where her heart is and she has the work ethic to make it. I think their unspoken motto is "Just Do It". Laura is quick to tell me that my book will sell and whatever I do in the meantime is secondary. Clint is like me in that he wants me to be the best in whatever I do while I'm waiting for a publisher to dial my number.
Whatever my next job is, I am going to make it my dream job. I will go into it with no excuses and I will make it work to the best of my ability. It may not be a glamorous job but it will be fulfilling. We can all do or be anything we want to be. All we have to do is work hard enough and want it bad enough. The hard part is figuring out what you want while you are waiting for your dreams to come true.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A Bonsai Tree
When I think of family trees, I think of generations of loved ones passing on words of wisdom and stories of love and magic. If there is a lineage to who I am as a person and some insight into why I am musically inclined and allergic to crab, I haven't found it. I am the spitting image of my Mom, right down to the core; except nobody knows where my nose came from. As I build my own family and think about adding to the limbs, I want to reflect on the family that made me who I am today and the family that opened their arms and placed me into their tree.
Both of my Grandads are rambunctious and I doubt they have ever had a boring day in their life. My Grandad Moser found his love for whiskey at the age of twelve. I found mine at the age of fourteen in a tree house with a childhood friend before heading off to drum lessons. Grandad married my Grandmother right out of high school and she was sweet enough to put up with him until he lost his battle to alcoholism. I miss our talks about horses and dogs; sitting on the bed of his truck, sneaking nips of Jack Daniels. I think what I miss the most is his brutal honesty. When I asked him if he would ever quit drinking, he would say 'probably not'.
My Grandpa Johnson rode up on his horse to my Granny's school bus and told her to get off because he was going to marry her. She told him she wouldn't marry him unless he quit smoking. So standing in a hay field, he took his last drag. They are married to this day and if you listen closely, you can almost hear their boots dancing in rhythm across a barn floor. Of course you can also hear Grandpa telling Granny he will come back to haunt her if he is the first to go.
My parents went to the same high school in the same small town. Dad had big city dreams and enough confidence to carry him through. Mom loved horses but gave up her dream of riding in rodeos to put my Dad through law school. She loved him enough to help make his dreams come true. I like to think my parents were in love and were wishing on dreams together when I came along. Laura followed two years after me and despite my best efforts to get them to throw her away, she is still here. We had a wonderful early childhood. We were able to be kids and since we both have healthy imaginations, there was never a country we couldn't conquer or a hole we couldn't dig. Simply stated, we were happy.
I found my love for writing at an early age. My parents divorced when Laura and I were old enough to know what was happening but too young to understand. The court made us go to a counseling program called Sandcastles. Laura painted her pain away as I watched in envy. One of the counselors asked me what my hobbies were and I told her I liked to make scrapbooks of dogs and I liked to make up songs. She told me to try and write a poem. I wrote a poem about a puppy who loses her home because nobody wants her. The counselor told me it was great and that's all the inspiration I needed. I was going to be a poetry writer! Through the rest of high school, I locked myself in my bedroom every day after school and I wrote poem after poem.
When I started college, I realized how much fun it was to write short stories and analyze writers like Dante and Homer. Thus, my love for writing came full circle. English and Writing were the only classes I received A's in and where I felt most comfortable. I am thankful our parents loved us enough to get us the help we needed to cope with the divorce. Laura has gone on to pursue her love for the arts and I think we finally have an understanding for who we are as individuals. It took many tears and years of therapy but I feel as if I know my place in the world.
I used to think that since my family was broken, we weren't really a family. I felt this way when I met Clint's family. Jeff and Linda's home is tucked away in the woods and looks like something right out of a fairy tale. The first time I stepped into their home, I was flooded with warmth and the presence of love. Tyler and Aaron were little at the time and they looked at Clint like he hung the moon. They fought for his attention and I completely fell in love with them. Linda treated me like she had known me forever and we quickly bonded over books and Oprah. Jeff sat quietly in the background playing his guitar and I spent the whole weekend wondering what he was thinking!
After that weekend, I wanted so bad to be a part of that family. Of course I told Clint that on our drive back to Little Rock and he told me that family is what you make it. I did a lot of thinking and growing up over the next few months. I took on a new attitude and decided that maybe my step-dad wasn't so bad and I needed to learn to take advantage of the time I got to spend with my Dad. I couldn't change the past and I wanted my future to be warm and peaceful.
Some family trees come with broken branches and thorns that are quick to draw blood. It's what you do with those trees that define what family is. I took parts of my family tree, uprooted it, and planted it with parts of Clint's family tree and now I have a unique bonsai. It will never be perfect and I don't want it to be. I have so many colorful memories from my life that help make me who I am. I have two parents that love me, no matter what. It doesn't matter that my Dad is in prison or that my Mom is re-married. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I spend more time now than I ever have with my Dad and my Mom is truly happy. She has found new passions for hunting and fishing and for the first time in her life, she is not afraid to swim in the ocean. It's nice to see your parents happy and enjoying life.
I love my family. I love the stories behind my Grandparents and I love my parents for never giving up on Laura and I. I love my in-laws for taking the time to get to know me and for believing in Clint and I. I love my husband for showing me that I had a family all along; I just needed to learn how to nourish it.
Both of my Grandads are rambunctious and I doubt they have ever had a boring day in their life. My Grandad Moser found his love for whiskey at the age of twelve. I found mine at the age of fourteen in a tree house with a childhood friend before heading off to drum lessons. Grandad married my Grandmother right out of high school and she was sweet enough to put up with him until he lost his battle to alcoholism. I miss our talks about horses and dogs; sitting on the bed of his truck, sneaking nips of Jack Daniels. I think what I miss the most is his brutal honesty. When I asked him if he would ever quit drinking, he would say 'probably not'.
My Grandpa Johnson rode up on his horse to my Granny's school bus and told her to get off because he was going to marry her. She told him she wouldn't marry him unless he quit smoking. So standing in a hay field, he took his last drag. They are married to this day and if you listen closely, you can almost hear their boots dancing in rhythm across a barn floor. Of course you can also hear Grandpa telling Granny he will come back to haunt her if he is the first to go.
My parents went to the same high school in the same small town. Dad had big city dreams and enough confidence to carry him through. Mom loved horses but gave up her dream of riding in rodeos to put my Dad through law school. She loved him enough to help make his dreams come true. I like to think my parents were in love and were wishing on dreams together when I came along. Laura followed two years after me and despite my best efforts to get them to throw her away, she is still here. We had a wonderful early childhood. We were able to be kids and since we both have healthy imaginations, there was never a country we couldn't conquer or a hole we couldn't dig. Simply stated, we were happy.
I found my love for writing at an early age. My parents divorced when Laura and I were old enough to know what was happening but too young to understand. The court made us go to a counseling program called Sandcastles. Laura painted her pain away as I watched in envy. One of the counselors asked me what my hobbies were and I told her I liked to make scrapbooks of dogs and I liked to make up songs. She told me to try and write a poem. I wrote a poem about a puppy who loses her home because nobody wants her. The counselor told me it was great and that's all the inspiration I needed. I was going to be a poetry writer! Through the rest of high school, I locked myself in my bedroom every day after school and I wrote poem after poem.
When I started college, I realized how much fun it was to write short stories and analyze writers like Dante and Homer. Thus, my love for writing came full circle. English and Writing were the only classes I received A's in and where I felt most comfortable. I am thankful our parents loved us enough to get us the help we needed to cope with the divorce. Laura has gone on to pursue her love for the arts and I think we finally have an understanding for who we are as individuals. It took many tears and years of therapy but I feel as if I know my place in the world.
I used to think that since my family was broken, we weren't really a family. I felt this way when I met Clint's family. Jeff and Linda's home is tucked away in the woods and looks like something right out of a fairy tale. The first time I stepped into their home, I was flooded with warmth and the presence of love. Tyler and Aaron were little at the time and they looked at Clint like he hung the moon. They fought for his attention and I completely fell in love with them. Linda treated me like she had known me forever and we quickly bonded over books and Oprah. Jeff sat quietly in the background playing his guitar and I spent the whole weekend wondering what he was thinking!
After that weekend, I wanted so bad to be a part of that family. Of course I told Clint that on our drive back to Little Rock and he told me that family is what you make it. I did a lot of thinking and growing up over the next few months. I took on a new attitude and decided that maybe my step-dad wasn't so bad and I needed to learn to take advantage of the time I got to spend with my Dad. I couldn't change the past and I wanted my future to be warm and peaceful.
Some family trees come with broken branches and thorns that are quick to draw blood. It's what you do with those trees that define what family is. I took parts of my family tree, uprooted it, and planted it with parts of Clint's family tree and now I have a unique bonsai. It will never be perfect and I don't want it to be. I have so many colorful memories from my life that help make me who I am. I have two parents that love me, no matter what. It doesn't matter that my Dad is in prison or that my Mom is re-married. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I spend more time now than I ever have with my Dad and my Mom is truly happy. She has found new passions for hunting and fishing and for the first time in her life, she is not afraid to swim in the ocean. It's nice to see your parents happy and enjoying life.
I love my family. I love the stories behind my Grandparents and I love my parents for never giving up on Laura and I. I love my in-laws for taking the time to get to know me and for believing in Clint and I. I love my husband for showing me that I had a family all along; I just needed to learn how to nourish it.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Where Our Story Begins
Clint and I have been married for almost a whole year but our story begins seven years ago in a hotel room in Little Rock, AR....
I first met Clint at my eighteenth birthday party, which I was hosting in a hotel room. He came with my cousin, Wade, and their friends from Conway. I immediately set my eyes on Clint and my life hasn't been the same since. If you ask him, I was way too young for a college senior, which is what Clint was at the time. Fortunately for me, he quickly overlooked my age once we started to get to know each other. For the next four years we were in a dream. We shared many of the same interests. We loved listening to up and coming bands at Juanita's and spending the weekends at his house watching movies and hanging out with his friends. We loved to travel and go on dates. Clint became my best friend and I knew that one day, this was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He is my constant. I knew that no matter what life threw at us, he would be there.
I graduated from UCA in the Spring of 2006 and awoke from my dream. Suddenly, I was lost. I have been dealing with one crisis after another from a very young age and for once there was nothing wrong with my life. I didn't know how to react or to adapt to a world with no problems. I freaked out and confronted my deepest fears. After I re-evaluated my life, Clint and I started year number five closer than I ever imagined I could be with another human being. We picked up where we left off, except this time, I was a different person. I became happy and started to enjoy the little things in life. I knew that 2007 would be a year of changes and contentment. There was just one little problem. I was ready to get married. Right then. Let's go, let's do this and start our life as Mr. and Mrs. Mickle! I think it took Clint by surprise because I had never been that persistent about getting married. Here we were, living this wonderful life. Why mess it up? Why take the next step? All I can say is that was what my heart was telling me. I knew I was ready; that we were ready.
For my birthday that year, Clint brought home a ten pound pit bull. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen (and still is). We were in awe of this little puppy. The biggest thing on him at the time was his belly. Little did we know, his head and paws would soon catch up! We weren't sure what to name him, so that first night we observed him. I was at the stove and Clint was on the couch. The puppy was sitting by Clint on the floor, facing me. All of I sudden, I saw his little muscles move! Clint suggested the name FLEX, and I knew it was the perfect name for this addition to our family. So, FLEX Bonebreaker Mickle came into our lives that January night and it hasn't been the same since. We did everything with him. After all, he was going to be the most well-behaved, loved pit bull in the world. He's not. Don't get me wrong, he is definitely the most loved but he is no where near well-behaved. We were determined to break the stereotypes about pit bulls. Instead, FLEX did that on his own. He is attached to me at the hip. He loves his Daddy and when Clint is not at home with us, it is FLEX who protects the family. He will only sit, shake and lay down for treats and he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. He snores with his eyes open and he pouts. He is also stubborn. It's like he took the combined bad qualities that Clint and I have and put them together. There will be many more blogs on FLEX, so I will get back to how Clint and I came to be married.
On Labor Day weekend of 2007, Clint took me to Petit Jean Mountain. This is special to us because it was where we spent our one year anniversary and my nineteenth birthday. On that particular weekend, Clint and I were sitting by the fire in our little cabin and we were talking about our hopes and dreams. I asked him if he ever thought that one day we would get married. He said he did. We knew we were too young but it was the first time we ever told each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Jump forward to 2007. We woke up before sunrise so we could hike to the mountain and watch the sun come up. Clint packed a cooler so we could have breakfast before our hike back. Once we got to the waterfall, he told me to sit down. I sat down and he had this strange look on his face. He dropped to one knee. Time stopped. I said yes before he could even ask me. Along with the arrival of FLEX, that was one of the best days of my life. Looking back, it was so funny and it was so perfect. Clint had packed my favorite things for us to snack on and I hiked all the way back to our cabin staring at my engagement ring. We had a quick engagement. Our commitment to each other was witnessed by our friends and family and I became Mrs. Elizabeth Claire Mickle on March 28, 2008.
The past year has been wonderful. Our first year of marriage has made me look forward to the years to come. The only thing that has really changed is my last name. Clint and I have shared seven wonderful years together, even though the law only recognizes one. I look forward to what the future brings!
I first met Clint at my eighteenth birthday party, which I was hosting in a hotel room. He came with my cousin, Wade, and their friends from Conway. I immediately set my eyes on Clint and my life hasn't been the same since. If you ask him, I was way too young for a college senior, which is what Clint was at the time. Fortunately for me, he quickly overlooked my age once we started to get to know each other. For the next four years we were in a dream. We shared many of the same interests. We loved listening to up and coming bands at Juanita's and spending the weekends at his house watching movies and hanging out with his friends. We loved to travel and go on dates. Clint became my best friend and I knew that one day, this was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He is my constant. I knew that no matter what life threw at us, he would be there.
I graduated from UCA in the Spring of 2006 and awoke from my dream. Suddenly, I was lost. I have been dealing with one crisis after another from a very young age and for once there was nothing wrong with my life. I didn't know how to react or to adapt to a world with no problems. I freaked out and confronted my deepest fears. After I re-evaluated my life, Clint and I started year number five closer than I ever imagined I could be with another human being. We picked up where we left off, except this time, I was a different person. I became happy and started to enjoy the little things in life. I knew that 2007 would be a year of changes and contentment. There was just one little problem. I was ready to get married. Right then. Let's go, let's do this and start our life as Mr. and Mrs. Mickle! I think it took Clint by surprise because I had never been that persistent about getting married. Here we were, living this wonderful life. Why mess it up? Why take the next step? All I can say is that was what my heart was telling me. I knew I was ready; that we were ready.
For my birthday that year, Clint brought home a ten pound pit bull. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen (and still is). We were in awe of this little puppy. The biggest thing on him at the time was his belly. Little did we know, his head and paws would soon catch up! We weren't sure what to name him, so that first night we observed him. I was at the stove and Clint was on the couch. The puppy was sitting by Clint on the floor, facing me. All of I sudden, I saw his little muscles move! Clint suggested the name FLEX, and I knew it was the perfect name for this addition to our family. So, FLEX Bonebreaker Mickle came into our lives that January night and it hasn't been the same since. We did everything with him. After all, he was going to be the most well-behaved, loved pit bull in the world. He's not. Don't get me wrong, he is definitely the most loved but he is no where near well-behaved. We were determined to break the stereotypes about pit bulls. Instead, FLEX did that on his own. He is attached to me at the hip. He loves his Daddy and when Clint is not at home with us, it is FLEX who protects the family. He will only sit, shake and lay down for treats and he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. He snores with his eyes open and he pouts. He is also stubborn. It's like he took the combined bad qualities that Clint and I have and put them together. There will be many more blogs on FLEX, so I will get back to how Clint and I came to be married.
On Labor Day weekend of 2007, Clint took me to Petit Jean Mountain. This is special to us because it was where we spent our one year anniversary and my nineteenth birthday. On that particular weekend, Clint and I were sitting by the fire in our little cabin and we were talking about our hopes and dreams. I asked him if he ever thought that one day we would get married. He said he did. We knew we were too young but it was the first time we ever told each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Jump forward to 2007. We woke up before sunrise so we could hike to the mountain and watch the sun come up. Clint packed a cooler so we could have breakfast before our hike back. Once we got to the waterfall, he told me to sit down. I sat down and he had this strange look on his face. He dropped to one knee. Time stopped. I said yes before he could even ask me. Along with the arrival of FLEX, that was one of the best days of my life. Looking back, it was so funny and it was so perfect. Clint had packed my favorite things for us to snack on and I hiked all the way back to our cabin staring at my engagement ring. We had a quick engagement. Our commitment to each other was witnessed by our friends and family and I became Mrs. Elizabeth Claire Mickle on March 28, 2008.
The past year has been wonderful. Our first year of marriage has made me look forward to the years to come. The only thing that has really changed is my last name. Clint and I have shared seven wonderful years together, even though the law only recognizes one. I look forward to what the future brings!
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